I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
