My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
