So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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