yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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