no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
