so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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