She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
