i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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