Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
All the doctor said was why
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
