if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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