you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
