At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You don't make any sense
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