We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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