My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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