Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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