My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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