Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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