she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
