she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
