He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
