So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
