good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
