Tell her she can't have a vagina
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If I had your ass I would rule the world
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
