it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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