I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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