Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
