I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
