Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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