So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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