my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
