In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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