Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
