Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
