the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
