you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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