He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
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Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
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this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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