I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
