Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i will never coherently bang her
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
