He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
