Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
