I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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