When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
