fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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