I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
