is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.