I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.