I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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