Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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