i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.