he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store