I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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