Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
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I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
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Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Ladies don't puke and tell
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