mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
