i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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