The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
What a dumb baby whore.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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