Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
