All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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