Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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