there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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