Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
