dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
